Rampant Stoke City win crucial Barnsley 6-pointer

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Stoke beat Barnsley 4-0 in their must-win game as they fight desperately to avoid relegation. No one saw this coming after the last two poor defeats against Boro & Wigan. Barnsley looked shell-shocked. And they weren’t the only ones! Here’s how the game unfolded in real time:

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Independence Day. A chance for relegation-placed Stoke to be free of their poor re-start to the season (1 draw, 2 defeats). As opposed to Barnsley’s 2 wins, 1 draw. So after the blood-bath 6-changes for the Wigan 0-3 blood-bath, Michael O’Neill (MON) makes 5 more changes: suspended Naughty Powell bounces gleefully back in, and Tyrese replaces Ince (who only had 9 touches in the last game??). Ryan is rested on the bench (think Rees-Mogg here), and MON puts a real right-back on (Tommy Smith), but adds a not-a-real-left-back (Martins Indi). Stoke must win, or they will no longer have their fate in their own hands.

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5.22 So far, Stoke players taking balls in the face as they pressure Barnsley. Vokes has already taken one or two for the team, which were no doubt quite painful. He’s paid enough, though. City not letting Barnsley settle.

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7.53 1-0 !!! Sam Vokes heads home from a Clucas corner from the right! Everyone stunned.

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9.00 2-0 !!!! OMG McClean sneaks down the left into the penalty area, slips it to Tyrese, who flicks home! Everyone has now feinted!

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14.40 ANOTHER FOUL THROW FROM MARTINS INDI. Get a grip, lad!

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26.27 Jack (after a decent save before the water-break) blasts the ball into touch when he had the whole pitch to choose from.

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27.35 Vokes intimidates keeper Walton to concede a throw. Walton goes weak at the knees!

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29.30 Almost every Stoke player has a shot in the 6 yard box, but it won’t go in! Then Powell runs brilliantly through a crowd of players, before being body-checked…AND THE REF BOOKS HIM FOR DIVING!!! Replay makes ref look crooked!!

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35.02 Another Jack Butland blast-into-touch-down-the-right. Is he sponsored to do this? Is there a Wright’s Pie billboard down there that he’s trying to draw attention to??

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37.17 3-0 !!!! Tyrese finishes perfectly from a McClean corner from the left. A low cross hit by Tyrese’s left foot first time into the corner. Training ground stuff!

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40.22 Clucas volleys over when it seemed easier to score.

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42.44 Somehow the ref has FAILED to book Barnsley bad boys as they crash into City players all over the pitch. Explain? Anyone?

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44.41 Keeper Walton’s poor throw, results in a cross & a Vokes header that he has to bat to safety.

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45+4 HT Team-Least-Likely 3 Team-In-Shell-Shock 0

Possession only 34%. I’m surprised the manager isn’t getting slated on social media.

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46.25 Powell wins innocuous free-kick in the same place that he conceded one vs Boro that resulted in the defeat. Just saying… Clucas makes a real mess of it.

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50.15 With Stoke playing proper football, Batth makes a tackle-clearance of biblical proportions that ends up at the far end. That’s what we like to see.

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66.25 Clucas gets hold of a defender’s shirt and refuses to let go. When the ref blows, Tyrese gets a yellow for kicking the ball away. He’s heading for the touchline soon as the youngster looks shattered; ready for his afternoon nap.

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71.00 Lee Gregory & Tom Ince replace Vokes & Tyrese after the water break. Tom Ince is turning up everywhere, charging around like a 3-year-old…probably trying to make up for the Wigan game.

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82.05 Another decent Butland save from a free-kick. He’s earned his Wrights Pie tonight!

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84.22 Powell hits a cool volley that is tipped past the post…and is immediately substituted with Lasse Sorensen.

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86.48 4-0 !! Ince hammers home from the right side of the penalty area. Ball gets a slight deflection.

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90.00 Diouf & Thompson come on for McClean & Clucas. Hope that Diouf gets a goal!

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90+4 It’s all over! Stoke win 4-0 ! Didn’t see it coming. Who did?!