Stoke (4) 6 Rotherham (1) 1 – 29/8/23 7.45 Carabao
Rotherham were annihilated by City, men versus boys. Laurant was rampant but then so was new boys Leris and Burger. Here’s how this debacle unfolded in real time:
7 changes for Stoke, 6 for Rotherham, yet City still look like a first team, with Burger, Rose, Leris and Pearson starting and the return of Tyrese to the starting line-up. Even newbie Nikola Jojic joins a strong bench that features what appears to be a firm of solicitors: Johnson, Thompson and Stevens. Pearson appears to be the only player not taking the knee….
1.12 1-0!!!! Wouter Burger latches on to a cleared Hoever cross, and hits it straight down the middle past a bewildered keeper Dillon Phillips.
16.02 Ryan Mmaee attempts an overhead kick from outside the area, and almost decapitates a defender. I’m not sure why he did that.
17.16 2-0 !!! Ryan Mmaee receives the ball in the box from Mehdi Leris on the right, one touch then wack, and the keeper looks bewildered…again! United’s 127 supporters (yes, we’ve counted them) appear unsurprised.
21.39 2-1 !! Brilliant stooping unchallenged header by Millers Capt Sean Morrison from a corner from their left. Bonham appears to have lighter hair this season. Again, not sure why.
29.02 3-1 !!! Capt Josh Laurant latches on to the clearance of a Leris cross, and thwacks it into the corner from outside the box. It’s like shooting rats in a barrel (no rats harmed in this analogy). It’ll soon be the same score as the league game.
42.03 4-1!!! Tyrese is BACK!! He receives the ball from Mmaee (who can’t believe he’s been given so much time!) on the edge of the penalty area (on the right this time) and twists and turns till he can hit it with his left foot, and it hits the top left hand corner of the net before the goalkeeper Phillips has even moved. 4-1!! It’s happening again, It’s happening again, 4-1 ‘gainst Rotherham, It’s happening again!!!
45+3 HT Yes, 4-1!
45.00 Dwight Gayle on for Mmaee.
53.30 Tyrese flashes a brilliant cross
Attendance 9410, and supposedly 185 away supporters. Really? I counted 127.
54.48 5-1 !!! After a great worked corner & Pearson shot is beaten away, Pearson and Tyrese combine to release Capt Laurant to plant another in the back of the net.
57.01 Luke McNally and Jordan Thompson on for Wilmot and Pearson.
60.01 Sol Sidibe on for Tyrese Campbell.
66.22 Bonham gives away an unnecessary corner, diving for a shot going wide.
71.12 6-1 !!!! Leris latches on to a ball from Laurant in the box, and he puts it in the far corner.
72.45 Newbie Nikola Jojic on for Burger!!!
79.20 Dwight Gayle fails to score, and looks bewildered as to why. Answers on a postcard.
90+4 Stoke through. FT 6-1!
